Thursday, 6 January 2011

Bye bye tree

Where did all the shiny sparkly things go? Pesky parents taking them down and just when I was having fun too.  On Tuesday night Mummy turned round just in time to see my world class accomplishment of strength, i pulled the Christmas Tree over, all on my own! I swear I get cleverer every single day! However, there was a very minor tiny..well insignificant really...flaw in my plan, I pulled it over on to me.  Oops.  I had a tree over my head, it was very bristly and  Mummy had to rescue me and she decided there and then to take the tree down, spoilsport.

I'm not going to stop my poo marathon until they reinstate the pretty lights and sparkly stuff.  So there. My bargaining chip is bigger then theirs.  Failure is not an option!

I'm not sleeping very well at the minute, but luckily Mummy sleeps with me so all I have to do is whimper and I get a cuddle and milk on draught, this is so the life. 

I still have no toothy pegs, but have had lots of drool for months now, I emptied a bucket load all over daddy when he was playing with me, he literally had puddle on his arm, see I'm such a nice boy me, I share and everything and I'm only 8.5 months old!

I've been teaching Daddy how to pass things to me, he's doing very well, my cleverness must be catching!  He keeps handing me toys and then saying 'Ta' so I hand them right back, he claps and whoops, such a simple creature, so easy to amuse so I tolerate this inane game for a while, just to make him happy.

I'm still having lots of fun with food despite the fact I don't really eat much of it.  My latest favourate is to suck all the yummy juice out of satsuma pieces, very very yummy, that's in between making peas dance (all you have to do is bash your highchair table and they jump and dance, who knew?!)  and feeding the dog cheerios.

Mummy has ordered me some lovely new nappies from Rosie-Boo's, I can't wait until I get them, not just one but THREE, she let Daddy choose one so he couldn't complain too much, I'd better watch out for girls, they appear to be very cunning.

When I grow up I'm going into the demolition business, it's the dogs bollocks! I have a compulsion to demolish things.  I can spot a stacking cup tower across the room and approach it with super speed just to knock it over.....I do the same with building blocks and stacking bugs too.  I will not allow anybody have a tower in my domain, I don't discriminate between builders, they all get demolished. mwhahahahaha.

Mummy is being a big Meany, I managed to steal the Argos catalogue and she didn't mind, I started ripping it up...she was fine with that too, but the big kill joy confiscated it just because I wanted to eat the bits I ripped. So, for penance I'm stood gripping my chair whilst I'm grunting out a huge poo for her to deal with.  That  will teach her not to mess with me, I may even cry and crawl away mid changing it.  If I don't get the catalogue back within 5 mins, I'll pull out all the stops and keep her awake all night again too. I'm the boss. I'm so the boss.

Sunday, 2 January 2011

I'm not a banshee.

Mummy took me to see The Doctor on Friday, he was a very nice man so much so that i even let him look in my ears (which are fine) and my eyes (which are not fine, they're like....gunky. eeew).  There was a very funky looking thing on his desk that I kept trying to grab but naughty Mummy kept stopping me, I swear if I had teeth I'd bite her, that would teach her not to interfere with my fun!

The Doctor gave Mummy a green piece of paper which she handed in to a person with a white coat thing on and they handed her some eye drops for me, Mummy & Daddy are most impressed with my uber skillz at accepting them like a dude, then again they can pretty much do anything so long as the boob's in my mouth.

While we were out this mad woman kept stroking my sling and telling Mummy how lovely it is and how lovely I am but she got it all wrong, the sling is indeed loely but I'm lovlier!

I'm having a poo-fest at the moment.  I usually only bother going every few days, I can't be bothered wasting energy doing it more often but Mummy looks awfully bored lately so I've been squeezing several out a day, just for her to keep her occupied.  See the things I do for my Mummy, I must love her afterall!

I'm very busy being a super clever baby at the moment, I can even 'walk' if Mummy holds one of my hands, bet you're should be.

Last night wasn't very nice, I woke up at 1.30am and was very upset, so upset i simply couldn't stop crying.  I think I scared poor mummy, but never mind her....I scared myself.  Even Daddy came up to the bedroom (I share a king size bed with my mummy so I can sleep and eat to my hearts content, I'm very important you know and daddy is relegated to the couch) to try and settle me but I think his inability to settle me made him cross (Mummy said men get cross to hide their insecurities!) Eventually I managed to stop howling long enough to have a big long feed and then fell asleep finally.  Mummy is clueless as to why i was so utterly upset, she even waved that annoying thing at my head that bleeps and tells her if I'm hot or not (I wasn't).

Oh well, it's time for my nap now, this is the life.  Catch you laters.

Monday, 27 December 2010


So, despite still being poorly with gammy eyes, i'm still ploughing ahead with World Domination.  I have this thing which Mummy calls a walker, with a nifty noisy bit with buttons on the front and a smart handle that I can pull myself up onto my feet with and then push the thing along.  I've been pottering about with this for a while now but it's a bit hair raising at times when my arms push it further then my feet can keep up with.  Still, like every good super hero I persevered and you should totally look at me now, i'm whizzing! I can cross the entire room easily with it now, I can stop and start mid wandering.  See I told you I was cool.  Won't be long now before I can run around with my big brother and sister, I suppose in the meantime though i'll just have to concentrate on ramming this walker into the backs of their feet if they annoy me too much.  Whaaat?! They started it!

Sunday, 26 December 2010

Jingle Bells ;)

Wow, no really WOW. You will never ever in a million years guess what....go on try, have a guess? Not last night but the night before I was told I had to go to sleep like a good boy so a Big Fat Hairy Dude called 'Santa' (an anagram of satan, hello?! warning bells?!) could come into MY house and leave stuff.  Now only grown ups would think this is okay.  Are they crazy?!  Am I the only sane person in this house to worry about this? My big brother and sister were literally 'stupidly' excited about this, it's a good job i'm around to look out for them.

Anyways, turns out he did leave a load of stuff BUT they were all wrapped up in cool bright paper and were presents! For all of us! yes presents! TOYS!  How cool is that?

So, tonight when Mummy and Daddy aren't looking i'm going to try and post the door key through the letter box so anyone else who's passing can come in and leave stuff, nifty plan eh? :) Look who's smiling smugly now Mummy & Daddy!

Friday, 24 December 2010

I stand alone.

I forgot to tell you didn't I? even though I'm poorly I've still mastered (okay okay am mastering then, gee, can't a guy exaggerate on his own blog?) standing and letting go without falling down! Seriously, check this out, Mummy can let go of me and i can stay stood on my own for about 40 seconds solid, how cool is that?!  I'm edging ever closer to World Domination.  I also figured out a while ago too that rather then fall down all the time, I can guess when I'm about to lose balance now and either grab onto something or bend my knees and sit, yes sit! instead of falling down.  Who's the dude?! I'm so the dude.

Poorly sick.

I am poorly.  No, I want more sympathy then that! Let's try this again, I am poorlyThat's better. Thank you.  It's not much fun being 8 months old and poorly y'know.  My eyes are all sticky and gunky and I keep trying to pull my ear off yet that could just be tiredness seeing as I'm not sleeping and since I'm not sleeping I'm certainly not going to let Mummy sleep either, where would be the fun in that?  I'm okay during the day, my eyes are a bit weepy and I'm a bit whinier then usual but I think that's allowed seeing as I'm poorly (can you tell I'm male?) but night times are a whole different ball game and I'm exhausted from spending the majority of it crying.

Mummy and Daddy are torturing me, or attempting to.  They're tag teaming me almost.  One will hold me extra tight and the other will try and get this yucky stuff in my mouth.  Well I say NO. Drugs are bad. I do not like calpol, i do not like ibuprofen (I do not like green eggs & ham) They seem to think offering it via different devices swill somehow make me change my mind, they will not corrupt my stance on this, I have morals and ethics to uphold you know.  First they try this syringe thing, then a spoon, then this weird thing that looks like a rubber nipple that I tried to chew through until I caught the jist of their plans and foiled them...there I was happily trying to wreck it and low and behold I get a sneaky taste of icky stuff.  I'm not having that! So out it came.  Spit spit spittity spit.  Though I must say it wasn't a patch on my dramatics from the evening before , then i really let them have it.  Sometimes you have to pull out all the stops to get Mummy & Daddy to really understand what you don't like, they're a bit slow you see, i think it's their age.  It was then that I wriggled, shrieked, spat anmd then my coup de grace, I puked all over daddy! I think Mummy had a sneaky suspicion about my plans because she conveniently handed me to Daddy whilst insisting she needed a wee.

I thought I'd teach them a lesson, seeing as my antics weren't subtle enough to get them to stop trying to force icky stuff on me so last night I begged for bed, then kept Mummy awake for two hours until I went to sleep which lulled her into a false sense of security so it would have a greater effect when I sprung awake forty minutes later! genius if i do say so myself.  I then continued to wake at ever increasing intervals last night, just to keep Mummy on her toes.  She doesn't get too mad though, I ensure I'm crying when I wake her so she'll give me extra cuddles.  I keep hoping if i stay up long enough she'll put that film on the tv again with the sparkly vampires in it.

My eyes are looking a bit better today, Mummy keeps putting booby milk on them, which I don't like very much because  want to drink it not wear it!

Oh Owie.  I just fell and banged my head on the safety gate......oh the irony.  Not very safe is it?  I'm now going to continue harassing my big brother and sister. 

Tuesday, 21 December 2010

Making a stand

I've decided that i'm against laying down on my back.  I just don't like it, not at all.  So from now on i'm making a stand, or should I actually say a racket with a lot of wriggling and rolling.  Mummy keeps insisting on  me staying on my back whilst she changes my nappy and I just don't want to.  When will she get that into her silly head?  Could I make it more obvious what with the shouting and screaming and constantly rolling over, grown ups can be so stupid sometimes.  If she was clever at all she'd be able to change my nappy whilst I crawl around the room and play.  Oh and another thing whilst i'm at it.....I wish she'd stop trying to dress me, I don't want to be dressed damnit! Once again mummy, read and screaming at you lots is a big clue that I don't want you to do it. 

Wow i'm zonked, being a baby is really hard work.